My first Karvachauth...

...and I wish I lived in easier and simpler times.

The question - or questions - in my head are many.

I don't believe in god.

Karvachauth is a religious tradition.

But then I do believe in traditions, even if I don't believe in god or religion.

I celebrate Diwali, Rakhi, Christmas and Id. Not for their religious meanings or reasons - but for the tradition we've had of celebrating them in my family.

Then why am I so confused about keeping a fast tomorrow?

Maybe because it's the first time.

Maybe because it's one of those traditions that I feel if I observe then people will expect me to also observe a lot of other things I that I don't at all believe in.

But, do I believe in this one either?

Frankly, I don't know. I do like the feeling of it. Sacrificing food for a day for the long life of the one you love. Leaving food for a day, I don't have a problem with that. Just like my Mom, I won't follow the fast to extreme limits either - like not even having a sip of water all day. Talked to her a little while back - and we decided we'd have everything - milk, fruits - everything except aanaaj (grain) or salt. That's quite do-able.

That's another reason, I think - that I've seen Mom keep the fast every year. And Papa too. I got a little bit of mehndi put on one hand today, 'coz I know that'll make my crazy mother extremely happy. :)

So, I will keep the fast tomorrow.

Tomorrow is also the first day of my new job. And no - I am not going to get all dressed up and go to work. For me, karvachauth is a very personal thing - and I don't need to show the world that I'm married. I don't think that is my identity at all. My identity is me. A lot of people asked me why I didn't wear the chooda after our marriage. That was for the same reason. Because my marriage is also a very personal thing. For me, our marriage is only a formalisation of the love that G and I share. And, partly, it was about getting our families involved too.

The reason for this post was more to make up my own mind - and writing it down just made it easier. But, like I said in the beginning, I wish I lived in easier and simpler times. Then maybe all this wouldn't have made me think oh-so-much(!!) - for the last two weeks, no less!


Update: So, yes - yesterday was Karvachauth. I kept the fast (the convenient kind), and so did G. :) Then, we both waited for the moon after we got back home from work. The GPS on my phone said the moon rise time was 8:21 p.m. - but on just that day when people are waiting for it, it finally is seen not before 9:15 p.m.! Anyway, so after the whole moon-water thing, G, his dad, my brother and I went out to dinner - since neither of our maids had turned up all day, even after me giving them the whole spiel about not missing work just because you have a fast, etc. After dinner, came back home and crashed out. There! That was what the first karvachauth was like. (30\10\07, 3:17 p.m.)